Post Christmas

Things went alright a few small barks and bites but no major injuries. Yesterday I got to meet my friends first grandchild who I had made some knits, she is lovely. I've finished a new cardigan for her. It's from a Debbie Bliss pattern and in her wool which is nice but too expensive really. I had some lovely rose buttons to put on it.
I want to do some gardening, bought a nice David Austen rose. The problem with roses around here is the humidity which means we have a lot of black spot but this rose has none on it so I've got hopes for it.

Christmas and grief

I woke this morning thinking of my mother in her green sleeveless dress with her birch basket on her arm and the presents or food in it arriving for Christmas Day and my sister in tow if she was home. My sister is overseas this year and my mother has been dead for 4 years. One of the girls is at work the other two are doing Christmas with their partners family so we are having christmas on boxing day again. So it is just us for the day. We were going to go to the beach for a swim but its a bit grey not cold but not very inviting. I have got better from the worst of grief, life drags you back into it kicking and screaming because you want to stay with the dead, but they are gone and free.
Now it's rainy which is good because its been so dry and I won't have water the garden I am cooking a duck, I've read so many recipes I'm confused so I will just go back to my old way honey and soy sauce marinade but I'll put some 5 spice in.

Nearly Christmas

We have booked a cruise to New Zealand after Christmas. We haven't done much travelling since we had children, no money, so we are happy to go any where. We have never been to NZ or on a cruise so we will see how we like boats. I'm sure we will like NZ through Australians find the NZ accent funny. I think Aussies and Kiwis are like family a pain in the bum but you love them. I am doing Christmas very haphazardly bits here and there as things come up and sock knitting for presents. Which I might finish in time or not, so promised presents.
I haven't been much into celebrating Christmas since my mother died so the girls have been going out and organising the tree but this year they are busy with starting their careers so I carted the thing home.
I have to say it through I get very sad at Christmas my dad died a week before Christmas 20 years ago and now with my mother gone too.

4th last working day

I'm having three weeks holiday and then 6 months long service leave and I have 3 more days to work before it. It's my trial retirement I might go back or not, we will see how we manage financially. I am getting really angry and fed up at work. All the mad stuff people do is driving me crazy. Time to have a break. I will miss the mothers and babies I guess but its good thinking I could go back or not.
It is so hot today it's midnight and still 29 degrees, it was 43 in parts of the state. There are big mobs of Christmas beetles flying into the house. I can smell the bush behind the scents of the garden.

Nice game

Of golf was very hot and humid. I played alright for the first nine holes but didn't play well the rest. We were nearly last off so played through the hottest part of the day. I am not too good in the heat. I played with two of my favourite ladies.
Someone asked me if I had put my name down for the Christmas dinner as someone had put me down, she said the names of the people on the table but I had never played or talked to them so I said I wasn't coming. I don't feel bad about it now. Last year I just put my name down randomly but it was a bit awkward, as usual I didn't get it till later.
I am watching Ken Burns show about the Civil War, it is just sadness and waste but I love listening to Shelby Foote tell the stories, he is gone now but he struck me as a sweet man.

Left out

No one asked me to join their table at the golf Christmas dinner so I have to ask to go on the rejects table or not go so I think I won't go. It's how I deal with the left out stuff. My daughter doesn't want us at her place for Christmas and my husbands family has never asked us and if I mention that I'm the bad one. I wish I would just disappear. I hate Christmas its full of grief and reminders that I don't fit and embarrass people.
It doesn't seem to matter how badly others behave its my fault. Now it's starting to rain. I feel sorry for myself but its always been the same, and I suppose lots of people feel like that and are treated like that. I always feel more at home with outsiders really. It's like the insiders have a secret only they know. Once I got asked to a stupid charity race thing because I was standing next to the person really being asked so I stupidly said yes and turned up sat down next to my friend to be told I was sitting at another table with strangers.
The other thing I get is the via friendship, they really want to be friends with your friend so you get used to that end, when they achieve that you get cut out.
There is a house down the road with a 2 metre brick fence around it I wish I lived there at least metaphorically.
Anyway I'm used to it really I don't feel comfortable with any attention.

Lovely day

We are going up to daughters as she is off sick from work. I'm going to take some plants from the garden up to her, things they don't have to look after, bromeliads and orchards etc the tough stuff. I'm reading The Casual Vacancy J D Rowling's first adult book, through I think the Harry Potter books were adult books as well as for children. I like it a lot to my surprise. She is a very good writer but its not just that, I think the author always lurks in the work and you feel her sense of humour and her kindness towards her characters and it makes you interested in them.
The garden is in flower I'll take some pictures.

How to stuff a human

I finished the little cardigan with 2nd hand pearl buttons from the op shop. We went to Sydney to see another neglected musical called The Lucky Stiff. Unfortunately my favourite actor was the died at the start so he was the stiff for the rest of the musical. It was on at the Darlinghurst theatre. We ate at Monkey and Leo's as usual.
I spent a lot of the musical worried about the corpse getting wiffy but I'd missed the line about the taxidermy. It was a crazy plot but great fun, probably the best fun you could have on a Monday afternoon.

Sunday

Worked yesterday evening and Friday and working this afternoon. There were meetings with the union about staffing so the fool in charge is making the Num (nursing unit manager, aka charge sister). Why do they perpetually change titles? Making the num write the roster she has not in 30 plus years in that job managed to write a decent roster so the sickies will go up. The first one she wrote she put all the casual people on whatever shifts she thought and way more shifts than they wanted. People work casual so they take the shifts they want and as many as they want.
The nurse who usually writes the roster said look what if I just keep writing it and you sign off on it but the Num is too frightened of management and suspects they want her out, which of course they have for years. She is cunning and a liar so they haven't nailed her yet, I think age will get her first she looks unwell. I have asked for 6 months long service leave and I taking a sickie next Friday.

Front yard

The dog was barking at something my daughter had a look she said there is a hedgehog, I said we don't have hedgehogs we have echidnas. I said to a friend guess what was in our yard she said an echidna, they have been seen around its mating  season including a rare albino one. We were going to ring Wires which takes care of native animals but it had gone away, very exciting.

back to work

I had a months holiday which went very fast through we didn't go away, just short visits to and from people. I felt really bad about going back but it wasn't so bad. Of course they had changed a bunch of things, changed may not be the right word recycled stuff again. We are supposed to give reports at the bedside. A misread recommendation of the last inquiry into hospitals. It actually had it as an option but the nursing unit manager of our ward thinks any edicts from on high come down on tablets from the mountain. Most people ignore it but I had to get report from my nemesis, well shes not really. Just a non thinking for herself person. She drags me round the patients and then does a whisper in the corridor  of all the bad news depression, DV (domestic violence), drug taking. I find that really offensive. Also most of our rooms are shared so telling the history of either of them in the hearing of the other lady has privacy problems.  Funny how curtains are treated as soundproof. In this town too everyone knows a lot of people. The next day the bedside report went west again.

Corned beef on a rainy day

It's Saturday and my intended garden day has drizzled all day I took the dog out for a walk thinking the rain had stopped but no. She turned for home after a bit of sniffing. I was thinking of making marmalade (that's a funny word must look it up) but decided to knit instead. I am going to watch Clueless again while I knit in honour of friends who are staying at Pismo beach.
Making corned beef see picture it smells lovely. The meat is over the use by date but I've been reading Clarissa (two fat ladies) book Rifling through my Drawers, which I recommend unless you are a rabid anti hunting person. All the meat seems to aged for months so I think corned beef a week over and boiled a lot should be ok. Anyway if you, well no one really hears from us again you know we died from corned beef poisoning which is at least unusual and interesting.

33degrees

Very hot day. Played golf yesterday my handicap is down another point. Golfers are supposed to be pleased about that but it makes you feel you can't play to the lower handicap. We had a nice game and a respectable score.
Today I did aqua with a friend then we went to the hardware store and bought some plants and I bought an indoor composter. It looks likes a big storm is coming, through lately it looks like that and we are only getting a few drops.
We want to live in our unit at the beach in a year or too so I want to practice composting. Now we are going grocery shopping.

Mulberries

Our friends have moved down the coast to the town he grew up in so we went to see their new house. The mulberry tree is covered with berries so we picked some and I made a kind of clafoutis. Normally it is made with cherries in a kind of pancake batter. It tasted really good. Another friend lives there so we have been there regularly over the years especially when they have gardens open. There are lots of beautiful gardens around the town. There is very rich soil.

Baby is born beautiful girl

I don't know her name yet. I've made her another little cardigan so I will post that my friend has flown over. I bought her a hoodie and some baby thongs she is 1/2 Aussie. Been gardening today I really want to get the garden more organized haha, it's spring so get its much nicer to garden but we are coming out of a wet period into the dry one.

Sometimes

Faced with this blank page cant think what to write. Bad things happening, friends husband has a melanoma, bad skin cancer being removed and my golf partners grandchild very ill. Does there seem more bad things now or just it affects me more. I worked in a children's intensive care unit once, actually the one the grandchild is in and a ward which looked after melanomas so I am imagining the worst about these two. I hope the cancer is early and the child recovers, it was a long time since I worked in those wards and I know treatment has improved.
The medical battle with illness has become very prolonged, one father called it torture of the dying, we hope for longer and we grieve longer and there are the consequences of life saving treatment that is very hard on the body. At work we are seeing survivors of childhood cancers having children and health issues they have, but then would anyone choose death instead, I've known a few mainly older people end treatment when the treatment was getting worse than the disease and it obviously wasn't helping. It's a rare doctor that advises stopping treatment even in very old age and particularly in crisis medical events. A lot of my generation having seentheir parents suffering and poor quality of life
Perhaps will make different choices through I doubt it.

Baby knits

My best friends daughter is having her first baby. I rang her this afternoon to say she must be ready to go, her daughter lives overseas then she was panicky. I want her to pick up the baby blanket and cardigan I've knitted for the baby. I'm going to try to make another little cardigan too. This a picture of the the knits. The buttons are old from my mothers button basket.

We planted a hedge

At my daughters place, a cypress hedge. I read about them they can grow to the height of a ten story building in 200 years so they have to be trimmed. Tomorrow we will plant a hibiscus hedge it has white single flowers it won't get so big. I was reading about hedge wars in England people get angry over untrimmed hedges. My daughter and her partner aren't much into gardening but their yard is really open to the street so they needed a barrier of some kind. It looks really cute I hope no one pulls them up.

Torn

We are watching le tour riding into Paris but I want to watch Adam Scott playing in the last day of the British open, too much sport and its very late, well very early. I had a sickie, supposed to be on night duty and of course I've got sick either a cold or hay fever or sinus. How pretty Paris looks. Really I have to go to bed or I might as well have done the night duty.
Watched the British open the next day Adam Scott came second which was good but disappointing for him as really he was playing well enough to win. it sounds funny but sometimes our culture is not to be the winner at least that is how I feel. Anyway he played lovely golf except for those few putts.
Now the Olympics will we ever get any sleep!
It's a nice sunny day at last but I'm still snuffly.

Silence

This week I feel silent inside, nothing to say its an effort to chat with people. I played
golf with an 80 year old and a 90 year old, the older lady on a better handicap than me and played better. Amazing, she is kind of sad and a bit dry humor all the grief the deaths and you become a bit of an after thought wheeled out for a picture with the new baby so when they are gone someone can say to the child that's your great grandma.
But then I don't believe in that neglected old people rubbish either, nursing home visitors rocking up with rubbishy gift to "brighten someone's day" while they congratulate themselves. So many fake relationships dished up in modern life, trainers mentors, social workers, and none of them replace the true relationships of the heart. That is the sadness of old people and the braveness of them .
I'll take a pictured a nice flowering the garden. I think it's a salvia.

The beach

Just a hint of spring and warm again. Played tennis this morning and we are having coffee at the beach. I was thinking of going in for a body board buts very flat and chilly still so wimped out.

The working week

Well two days so I must not complain, but I do anyway. I was upset as the girl who was going to be in charge was moved to another shift and we were one short staffed for the number of patients, the only time they put me in charge when it's crummy. We discharged a few people and got down to our right numbers but the supervisor rang to send us a general patient, ie non midwifery patient. I said you know we are one short of staff and that will take us over our correct numbers she said oh night duty has extra staff so it will be ok.
Anyway I said to one of the girls it's like whining at the ref you might not win that complaint but they might hesitate before they send the next patient. You can learn a lot from sports haha. I still think they are treating us a bit kid gloves because of the complaining meeting with the union and management but it doesn't last.
I'm reading a book on the scilian mafia it's very good. They say the mafia is a new thing well maybe that branch but they haven't studied the Borgias or the Julio Claudians or for that matter must people in power for a long time.

Golf happiness

Sore feet but made it walking round 12 km. sometimes I worry if I can do it after I've gone out in a cart a few times. We missed the rain as well started after we came in. There is a battery operated buggy in the shop tempting.
I went shopping after golf big mistake feet too sore. Now watching last nights tour and knitting socks.

Hello hello

It's Wednesday between aquaerobics and the beach for afternoon tea. You can feel spring coming today very nice and I've been good and done some business will do the last bit in a minute. It never takes that long but it always weights on your thoughts till its done like tax returns. I finally found the right blogger site for iPad instead of some other strange one so I lost a post or two but what's new.
Managed to get my password right that's a miracle.

the giro

Well the football season is nearly over except for the final with Chelsea and Bayer Munich. Both my teams stayed up Wigan and Norwich City (I like Delias cook books).
So now we are warming up for Le Tour watching the giro Italia.
Its still nice weather and I went for a surf today really warm water. There is a big warm water current off the coast so it is amazingly warm. Not much in the way of waves.
I have been playing some nice golf for me, 3rd in 3rd grade and a nearest the pin. i got 24 points in a 9 hole comp I play so I thought I might be in with a chance of winning, of course someone got 34 which is just a crazy score for a nine hole comp. oh well.

Cozy day

Still cold and wet but I'm slow cooking osso bucco with apple cider and some chilli. I have a lot of apple and pear cider. The golf membership includes 150 dollars free at the bar to encourage drinking I guess, or maybe its for de-stressing after golf, a very frustrating game. I dont drink after golf very often as I'm driving anyway so I had to take the $150 of booze all at once as it disappears at the end of the year, so we are very well stocked in ciders, possibly over stocked considering we are "light weights" in drinking terms.  I dont know how cider will go in osso bucco instead of white wine but its nice to try different things.
I've been reading up on diabetes in pregnancy as they are diagnosing a lot more of the mothers as Type 2 diabetics but frankly so far I find it unclear to say the least, there seems to be no agreement on levels of blood sugar. They want us to do far more testing of the babies but the guidelines are murky. I am not going to do the formal test anymore as you have to squeeze 3/4 ml out of a babies heel which is very difficult. It used to be 1/2ml which was possible but they bought a new machine which requires more blood to test. Anyway I'm lousy at doing it so I'm not going to do it. I have a list of things I dont do at work now, my non bucket list. Top of the list all the rubbish paperwork they throw into the place. I have got smarter through I dont say anything. Often I used to say when they introduced the next great idea that I thought it was rubbish which meant it was my fault when nobody did it. This is a funny story from years age they introduced a new nursing care plan which nobody liked and got rid of the one we did like, nobody would fill them in as they were useless. As punishment they would send people down to medical records to fill them in, of course sitting in a nice sunny patientless room for an hour or so was very appealing so the chances of the form being filled in went down even lower.
On friday I had a sickie as I'd played golf for 2 days and could hardly walk. Friday is the worst day as they do the most caesars that day, induce women who often end up C/Ss too and then try to pile general patients on top of everything. I'm so glad I didnt go they said it was the worst day ever 34 women in a 28 bed ward, people sitting in the arm chairs, the nurse unit manager yelling at everyone then being taken off to Cas in a wheelchair with her medical problem. No staff as a couple of other people off as well as me. No bed cleaner for the day. Then the higher ups came to straighten it out by telling the poor bird in charge to ring night duty to come in early, dream on, these people already doing a 10 shift. they refused.
Did I feel guilty no relieved, I really just feel too old for the chaos through I defy anybody to come through those days without damage. What a mess hospitals and nursing has become all over the world.

A rainy day

We have the heater on already as I've been on the veranda reading the morning paper and now must defrost. There was a little bit of sunshine but it didn't last long.
I went to aquaerobics this morning at the leisure centre, both the friends I normally do it with didnt go but I chatted with the knitting lady, we talked about schools because there was a sports carnival outside on the tract, poor kids I said running in the rain, she said they dont feel it. I said I once fell in the creek at lunchtime in full winter uniform and sat through class all afternoon soaking wet. We talked about our primary school and did I know so and so, her son (who was in my class) had been her daughters partner for a while and was the father of one of her grandchildren. He had died from a brain haemorrhage. In this town we always say small world. I asked the splashy lady where she worked as she mentioned it was her day off she said the shop one of my daughters works in and she knows her well. You always find a connection in this town so you have to be careful what you say!
I was thinking about QI  [BBC program with Stephan Fry] he was asking the panellists how old they were, they said their age but he said all our cells change over at different rate so by about 5 years we are completely different. Its an interesting thought, also much of our "self" is not ourself at all its micro organisms. Also we have two brains the top one and a more rudimentary one in the gut. He didn't explain exactly what was meant by a brain, I guess a bunch of nerves controlling function.
I tell myself that when I have sore bits that they can get better. You think when you are older the sore bits are permanent but really the way the young mothers and my children complained when they were young, its just human to have soreness, not just being older.
I am reading the biography of David Hockney who made us all see swimming pools in a new light I just love his art. It is very interesting as he was born in Yorkshire like my husband and lived in the world I just read about, the swinging 60's.
We are having tea now (celestial seasonings tension tamer) and a piece of cake said like Worzel Gummidge).  Then I will do some more knitting. I finished the big cardigan for daughter just the icky job of sewing up 1/2 way through some socks and have started a jumper for me.

holidays and reptiles

Today we went to the reptile society's show. it was really good. Australia has the 1st 11 most venomous ranking snakes in the world, theres something to be proud of. Our local scary one is the red bellied black snake which you see in the bush every now and again, through not if it sees you first, or squashed on the road. There was a guy giving a talk and showing various reptiles he had a red bellied black snake he said while they are venous they wont attack unless you try to pick them up or attack them.
My favourite was a shingle back lizard, I'd like one of those and they are quite laid back. I read a book once about the aboriginals of central Australia called the lizard eaters because thats what they mainly ate so I was imagining eating the lizards. They most amazing was the biggest monitor lizard in Australia which is called the perentie which I have never seen, it can grow to over 6 feet. The one at the show had a big trailer as its cage.
After the show we for a drive up the mountain and looked round an old grave yard there was a snake skin  on the grass I bought it home and scared my daughter as she thought it came from our yard.

friday the 13th

Poor neglected blog I miss you I write on you a lot in my head but then fail to write, because I am busy? because I am sad? because I am happy, all of them.
I had a really nice golf game yesterday, we played a game called high low, you play with an A grader a B grader and a C grader,  and you all hit off and decide which is the best place to play the next ball from of the 3 shots and you all have a hit from there. It mixes the ability levels up so you learn more and you discuss the game and strategy with the other players. it was really fun through we didnt get into doing that till later in the game. We didnt know each other so people are a bit wary of telling others what to do. Some people do not take advice well but then we got it together by the end and it was really fun. We are going to do a couple more games like that. We are on holidays and it is nice weather through getting colder. Today we are going to the beach for lunch and maybe a swim if its not rough. Better go.

goodbye vietnam

We are not going to Vietnam now. Our friend was organising the trip said people who said they are coming have pulled out so it would cost a lot more. We are pleased really because our daughter has bought a house!! and we loaned her some money to get them over the line with the deposit and they will be moving in after Easter so we want to be there to help. It is really strange when your children do such grown up things. We will just do little local trips which is nice also other daughter having a little operation so we are glad to be home to look after her. I would rather help them than travel.
I want to go to the Royal Easter show and see the crafts and animals and cakes. If we go before school breaks up we will miss the crowds. I love the chooks and the pigs. I would really like a little farm. Today we used the high pressure water cleaner we bought it was so much fun we will be cleaning everything in the holidays. The paths which all looked black now look like newish cement.
Better go shower we are going out to dinner for my birthday.

culture culture on the 20th century

We have seen the Picasso exhibition in Sydney, the Renaissance exhibition, the nurses at war exhibition, children in orphanages, and an exhibition at the national library of letters by lots of high achievers Darwin, James Cook Mozart  and lots of others. Yesterday we went to see a musical in Sydney by a little theatre which is doing musicals rarely seen or never seen in Aus. It was amazing they had one rehearsal and had notebooks of the words which they read and sung but it was great. It was called "On the 20th Century" because the action takes place on a train called the 20th century. A guy called John Dierich I kept thinking I knew him and I did I remember him in a TV show when he was in his 20's. He won a Bafta so he and the rest of the cast were really good. Apart from watching it I kept wishing I could be a theatre angel and film them all they were so good. I'm sure it would be a big hit!
We stayed at our daughters and then did a foodie and nursery tour home. We went to a German butcher and a really nice cafe and a nursery.
Well guess what after a day of no rain it is back again, there are floods all over the state. There were waterfalls on the highway. Of course they have built a desalination plant to supply more water because we had the long drought now the dams are so full they are spilling over. Extremes. Gardens full of drought resistant plants are rotting, water tanks are over flowing and signs saying garden watered by tank look silly, big campaigns run to make people "water wise"look like a joke, somehow the driest continent on earth feels like the soggiest. must go to bed aquarobics in the morning and no golf again this week probably as it is supposed to rain everyday in March.

Wet wet wet

It is supposed to rain x21/29 days this month and it's well on the way to it. We seem to have a tropical climate, a sunny morning followed by thunder storms in the afternoon, but I'm grateful even for a mornings sunshine because sometimes it hasn't stopped all day. Last week I had to go get husband and daughter in the middle of flash flooding, very scarey.
It's a scarey Australian story about people camping in a dry riverbed In fine weather being washed away and drowned because of rain upstream. At least we were in a car through we kept hitting sheets of water on the road. Oh here it starts again thunder.
We were going shopping for luggage because we are going to Vietnam but then we thought we might research it a bit so we will just go have fish and chips for dinner and then watch the champions league show and our videos on paintings called "The Life of a masterpiece". I missed tennis today which I feel bad about but I slept in. I did night duty on the weekend. I hate nights now they make me feel really crummy and I was cranky because of the way they distributed the patient load I had 2 of the five new caesars the longest walk down the ward and 6 patients. One of the others had 3 patients one new Caesar and the shortest walk. Then I protested so they make you feel bad. These are my "friends" so much for nursing friends. But that's how it goes we all tired and old all trying to preserve ourselves by burning others.

Australia day

I don't know what I've done to the writing in this oh tech probs again it looks like weird old and tiny computer text oh we'll will see how it posts, if I can read it. I am lazing around in bed playing with the ipad, it's Australia day there are lots of events planned and fireworks but we will just stay home and one of us is going back to work after holidays, not me so someone will be a bit miserable today. I have been looking at a new app I done loaded called houzz it is really good if you are interested in interior design, who isn't. Well quite a few people really. I said to one of the golf lady's we were reno- ing a bit, she said we don't change anything and I thought that would be a relief but we do have to do the downstairs bathroom it is like a 70s pod bath but there are stress marks in the plastic I'm afraid we'll be sitting in the foundations. We went to ikea again and the Picasso exhibition. I don't know what I feel about Picasso you can feel the greatness and the inspiration the playfulness the great technique but to me he is a mystery of a man a kind of minatour in a laberynth. A bit frightening and dangerous that pulling apart of women's faces is really threatening. I had a dream that I was being chased by my killer and I was running away then I found a studio and shelter there someone said art is your answer you have always been an artist. Well I don't paint or do art really but I have always loved being in studios and around art. We are watching a collection of videos I bought called the life of a painting, they look at a painting such as the Primavera and the Nightwatch and tell you it's history. Ikea's was good again but we have to learn to pace ourselves we carried too much around and we got too fuddled and tired. We bought some lovely sheets and towels and more of their nice candles and had a good look at their bathrooms. Will have to measure up and pick the things. Gotta get up, hungry.

There is a crack in everything

thats how the light gets in, thank you Leonard (Cohen), it is playing while we are taking down the Christmas tree and I want to cry, my mothers decorations my sister's ones she gave us, the childrens ones made at school. Way too many. You cant live in memories and it all goes so fast. My favourite one is a santa ball made of beads because I bought it at the church shop and it would have taken so much work to do and was made by an person I dont know. I'm not religious but who in our age doesnt owe a debt to Jesus and his way of kindness and enlightenment.

Night Duty

I worked last night and then tonight, 10 hour nights are too long for me. One of the girls went home sick she looked terrible, problems with drink we think but no one really mentions it. Thats Australia no one does interventions. One of the other girls (well girls all over 50) says we have to nurse her along, get her son grown and educated. I think it goes in binges with her, good for a while then not. Drinking is seriously scarey in this country people call me a "light weight" because I cant drink much and I think thank goodness. Lucky have passed the trait on to my daughters they are not good at drinking big amounts and I'm glad.
I call this time of year the drinking season, it goes from school break up till Australia day on the 26th, but then its any excuse for lots of people, playing sport, watching sport, having a baby, getting married funerals etc. We went to my friends fathers funeral and every photo of him he had a drink in hand. If you say anything about drinking you are a wowser and you get called names. Its such a worry with your children. I have a good friend who gets so nasty when she is drinking, or when she is waiting to start I dont see her so much any more. I mean we do like having a glass or two of red and enjoy having beers of the world at Christmas. I guess in health jobs we are aware of the other side of the fun.
Anyway got to go to bed

ipad

The darling girls gave us an ipad each for christmas, motherhood pays off at last, I got a white one and he got the black one, well black bezel and silver back. It is completely obsessive and I should figure out how to write this blog on it but I like my computer too so I'll do that later, I've been downloading lots of stuff but its very slow at downloading movies so I'll have to do that on the computer. I had to upgrade this computer as it didn't know what an ipad was when we connected them up, funny.
I've miserable a lot as usual all kinds of bad thoughts. Like Buffy back from the dead and not entirely happy about it. Difficult to explain to anyone especially as no visible signs people still asking about it and me still saying I dont talk about it. 2 horrible years in February I think I shouldn't be here you wonder if you should be alive, like a butterfly beating its wings in the amazon causing a hurricane. The things you do and effect. Then you read people deciding they will do great charity stuff but I'm kind of Christopher Hitchens about the mother Teresas of the world. Everyone seems on to that stuff, charities spring up like weeds. For sure some are of good intent but a lot of founders seem to driving the charity cars and going on the charity flights. Not my thing in nursing you see the results of care can  be mixed.

I am reading a book about mind body healing that is a bit helpful, relaxation techniques like deep breathing, funny how you have to learn the same stuff over and over again. This is our tree it is a lovely shape, we have to take it down soon but I miss it.