No one asked me to join their table at the golf Christmas dinner so I have to ask to go on the rejects table or not go so I think I won't go. It's how I deal with the left out stuff. My daughter doesn't want us at her place for Christmas and my husbands family has never asked us and if I mention that I'm the bad one. I wish I would just disappear. I hate Christmas its full of grief and reminders that I don't fit and embarrass people.
It doesn't seem to matter how badly others behave its my fault. Now it's starting to rain. I feel sorry for myself but its always been the same, and I suppose lots of people feel like that and are treated like that. I always feel more at home with outsiders really. It's like the insiders have a secret only they know. Once I got asked to a stupid charity race thing because I was standing next to the person really being asked so I stupidly said yes and turned up sat down next to my friend to be told I was sitting at another table with strangers.
The other thing I get is the via friendship, they really want to be friends with your friend so you get used to that end, when they achieve that you get cut out.
There is a house down the road with a 2 metre brick fence around it I wish I lived there at least metaphorically.
Anyway I'm used to it really I don't feel comfortable with any attention.
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