karma

Its friday going for a surf this afternoon then work on Christmas eve and Christmas day yuck. I read this thing a nurse wrote that she was complaining about work and someone said to her you're a nurse you shouldn't complain, you are heaping up lots of good karma. Well lets hope so. We always say about the horrors that run the place what comes around goes around and its true. Which I think means they will get what they deserve. Only people dont really and it doesn't matter much. The longer you live the more you see that even the most favoured get thumped.
My sister is home from Saudi for the holidays and agonizing over a patients dentures she may or may not have lost. I said this is the kind of crap we have been trained to worry over all our lives.
It has been raining like a monsoon climate, well nearly so the gardens full of drought resistant plants must be suffering, my rainforrest garden has gone nuts so I've bought this long pruner a chain saw on a pole, I'm not supposed to use chain saws but too bad, might get my daughter to help, the co-ordinated one, its pretty heavy. Must do a little weeding.

update or die

Havent posted couldnt work out the changes in blogger, oh why dont they run a kind of web for oldies, that doesnt change all the time, cept no one thinks they are old anymore, 70 yr olds think they are 20. My daughter said the title, update or die. Its nearly christmas and we have the tree and presents, too many, through I havent bought much. My sister is home but she is in Sydney seeing the Picasso show, I will see it after Christmas. Ordered the meat today and did aquaroebics. Its nice to have a break from tennis and golf, had the parties. Just going to do the shopping this afternoon. We are working christmas so our Christmas will be on Boxing day which works out alright as the girls can go to their partners christmases and they can owe us one. Reading the Game of Thrones it is wonderful, on the last book now. You know when you know something will be really famous one day but you cant get anyone interested in it (early computing). Oh well their loss.
Christmas always worries me, the Christmas deaths. My father dies the week before Christmas and other worst things.
Underneath the dead
in street names.
and memory
Like a thief takes the living
and strips them of connection
Until the world is a grey evening
Longing longing for what is not
Or ever will be again. I looked for you everywhere
After you died
Grief is madness.

Sydney boho

We went up to Sydney to see Sydney uni production of Into the Woods, daughter's best friend in it. We love Sondheim and this musical probably the first. Everytime I see it I get more out of it. This production was so funny, the cast was all young so they bought energy and humour to it, a little lacking in the singing  but made up for in the laughs. A wonderful live orchestra and a theatre so small you could nearly pat the cow. We parked near the railway line and walked through the lovely terrace houses to King St which is the main drag. I wish I had taken pictures but I was feeling a bit off on the walk like I couldnt feel my feet weird and we hadnt had lunch so we went to nice burger place Moo, had lunch and then coffee at knitting and coffee place. She had stacks of Mon Tricot which was a French knitting magazine from the 70's which I finally sent away a sub for and they sent back they were closing which broke my knitting heart. She wasnt selling her copies but she said I could borrow them but I didnt like to as we live too far. I said you should get a photocopier and charge to copy patterns. I think it would be alright for the old magazines. I bought 2 new magazines, Designer Knits which I think is the new Vogue knitting and a Rowan knitting book, The Milk collection and a ball of wool for socks.
We saw the new Ikea store at Tempe was opening soon, it had the chairs in the window of the restaurant  what joy if they just had wool as well. We love Ikea, one of the tennis ladies has never been to Ikea I couldnt believe it. Might suggest it for our christmas outing.
When I first lived in Sydney Newtown was our town, its just up the road from Sydney uni was cheap and sleazy just the way you like life as a young one and interesting, migrants and migrant food we had never seen. We'd eat in a Lebanese place with all the lovely cakes and wonder why all these men would go past us upstairs and give us funny looks. Later someone told us it was a brothel. I would like to buy a house there but now those tiny terraces cost as much or more than our house. Still is it only for the young the excitement of the new and different?
My best friend just loves Sydney and aches to move back but I think it is being young again that she craves. I dont feel like that but I wasnt good at being young, but then not so good at being old. I like looking into worlds but I never feel part of them. Still fun to look.

a million things and nothing

Just on the veranda again with a little breeze with some chill in it. The weather is toying with us we are expecting warmth and summer, or at least spring and it gets cold again. Yesterday woke to tropical downpour. Such heavy rain, today all shiny and bright at first and now looks like a storm coming again. We are not the tropics but some times in the year we get rain like it. I guess thats why we have temperate rainforests here.
Have had my 2 days at work not too bad except for the usual mad new idea. They want us to walk around with hand cleaning stuff in a bottle attached by a carabiner to our pants nutty nutty. Most people are not wearing them. I gave mine away to one of the nurses who go out to the community because I like to use soap and water rather than the alcohol solutions and the charge sister took it off her. I'm laughing now at the thought of all this craziness that is humanity. We are deranged and there is no hope for us so we laugh. oh i forgot one of the girls said she attached it to one of those stretchy pens so it feel to the floor and trailed after her.
Oh another emotional mess about his family. I want a pig farm in Tasmania I want to be down a long road far from everyone talking to my pigs growing veg and flowers. I want to forget about age and death and humans. My husband says remember Monty Pythons hermits all in a row coming out of their caves greeting each other.

watching

We have some new shows which is good, "Breaking Bad" which is great season 3 or 4. "Getting on" which is the funniest show ever at least to nurses. I just googled it and it is described as a satirical British comedy based on a National Health Service hospital. Downton Abbey which is wonderful with Maggie Smith, great writing and a great cast. Dr Who of course, the new series wonderful and a great doctor. The Misfits is so funny and the In-Betweeners. Its nice to have some good shows to watch. we record them or buy the videos so we dont have to watch ads which have become ridiculously intrusive. Sometimes I forget which show I'm watching plus they repeat the same ad so many times in a night you begin to hate the product.
We have just finished watching the first season of THE GAME OF THRONES (HBO), I put this in big letters because I think this is up there with Harry Potter and Lord Of The Rings. It is stunning. I am reading the books up to the 3rd one and they are very good.
Dexter is back next month too. And of course the Champions League is back in full swing with all its talking points. Cheers!

Day 5 last day

We returned the car to our friends so we went by bus into Cairns and looked through the art gallery which is in a beautiful old building and had an interesting exhibition of clothing hippie era, and a pottery exhibit. We had a lovely breakfast at our new favourite cafe next to the art gallery and the walked around the sea front. Somehow, when we were there on friday, we hadnt seen the giant swimming pool with the beach like edges, people were sun baking on the grass around it. It was a lovely idea seeing the bay at Cairns is crap for swimming, a tidal mangrove swamp originally. Then we went to get a taxi back to the motel and wait for the airport bus and wait and wait and wait. We were getting worried but finally a taxi came and we made it to Sydney. Only part of the trip which was a pain, connecting taxis etc. We'd paid a lot for airport connection to home, they were late and wedged us 3 across the back of the limo very uncomfortable. Next time we are going to get those little hand luggage bags and go by train to the airport, more comfortable and quicker trip home. All up lovely holiday.

Day 4 to the daintree

Ready for some more driving. Normally when close to the Barrier Reef would never miss a trip to the outer reef, it is really a great wonder of the world moment when the tide drops and you can walk on beautiful reef in the middle of the ocean or snorkle or dive the side walls, its up there with the Grand canyon but I love it the best because I love to be in the ocean.
Having a car and the cold weather and rough sea and only 5 days we thought we will give the outer reef a miss and drive up the coast and see all the beaches like Port Douglas and up to the edge of the Daintree. Good decision as that coast was amazing the road goes mostly along the sea and it is a wonderful trip. Just that word Daintree evokes for my generation a magical place that was battled over between loggers and conservationists. I think the conservation people won, sort of but it looks like there are people carving out farms and houses on its edges. It is the largest rainforest in Australia. You feel its vastness and its life even at its edges. Next time we will stay at the lodge and walk in it more. They have an absailing run along the tree tops that would be great to go on. Where I live we have pockets of temperate rainforest and our suburb is on the foothills of the mountain so if we were aboringal we would be somewhere between salt water people and rainforest people. There are places that are more like home to you than other places. I can see why our friends feel at home in Cairns it is like a bigger bolder wilder version of our coast.
We drove as far as Daintree Village which is where the road ended at a river. You have to go up to Cape Tribulation to go up further. I would like to see Cooktown and Cape York but I think you need a four wheel drive for that. Must mention the cows they are Brahman cows and look a bit like Clem from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. So I kind of thought of them as being able to have a chat to. I went to take some pictures of them and they came over to visit at the fence, they look very smart cows. You can see why dairy farmers love their cows.

Day 3 cairns botanical gardens

Our friends loaned us their second car which was really nice of them so on the 3rd day we went to the Botanical gardens which was awesome, I kept going around a corner and going ahh as all the plants you see as indoor down south  grow outside and huge. It is a bit bashed about from the cyclone but that is interesting to see the force it takes to snap off huge trees and then they form open areas and new areas of growth. It is a bit the feeling you get in rainforests but with labels and more variety so nice when you go into a rainforest you know what you are looking at. I wish we were there when the guided tour was on. Lastly we hobbled down to the bamboo as bamboos are my favourite plants. I think they are just establishing this area as not that many varieties. The cafe in the gardens was very good and they have made a gallery in an old water tank which was a great space so we looked at an exhibit of high school work. We meant to go to the Art gallery but by the time we got there nearlly closed so had a lovely coffee and banana bread at the cafe next to the gallery. Best banana bread ever more like sticky banana pudding. Walked around the town a bit got some food for dinner and back to hotel.

Day 2

Our friends who had moved up there from Sydney kindly drove us on a big circle around the hinterland of Cairns through lovely old towns full of Queenslanders yeah the people but also the name they give to the lovely old houses built on stumps with big verandas all around and steep corrugated iron roofs, built mostly for coolness and sometimes to protect from floods. We had lunch at a dairy where they made chocolates and cheese. We had the cheese platter but I was a bit cheesed off by the end of it (lucky no one reads this, bad bad joke). The country looked very rich volcanic soil and lots of farming. Then we came down a long pass down the mountains and rainforest  to Cairns. It was a bit drizzly and grey but not too hot. I would like to go back and stay in the hinterland at one of the old hotels and wander around the towns.

Holidays are good

We flew to Cairns it was much more interesting than I thought. The first day we went out to Green Is which was the freebie with the trip. It was nice through the snorkeling is a waste of time the reef looked dead mostly and the water cold and murky. I saw a green turtle which was nice but unfortunately I hadnt got used to snorkeling when I saw it. It takes a little while before you manage the mouth breathing and not flooding yourself. Also I'd swam into the no snorkeling area which was funny because it was the only place with a bit of coral. Gave up on that and walked around the Island reading the history, it was a place they harvested sea cucumbers which are about the most revolting eatables ever. Then we looked at the crocodile enclosure. I'm sure there are much better maintained places to see them but this place was obviously the product of a life long obsessive collector which is always fascinating. He had a bunch of Pacific Is and New Guinea objects dusty badly lit unexplained, worth millions or worthless who knows, but so interesting. He has the biggest croc in captivity (or did till the Cairns paper reported a bigger one captured in the Philippines with comments from our croc world that Dad (obsessed collector) would want to go see it but it wouldn't survive as it looked like they had it tried up over its nostrils).
We watched the feeding which the big show as they leap out of the water. They also had some barramundi which are a beautiful fish, we used to catch them in Darwin, well I stood next to people who caught them. I love fishing but I'm very unsuccessful at it. We had a very nice lunch and pottered about till the boat came back.

Tired tired

Weekend work and tennis today. Work not too bad not so many ladies, 1/2 midwifery and 1/2 general patients. I get really mad with it but its not the patients fault but I hate nursing general patients, I dont know what I'm doing they send them up from A&E or wherever no meds, cant get bloody doctors to see them regularly, telling us, or not telling little facts like they are infectious or how sick they are. They are dumping the mothers out even faster to fit other  patients in and exposing the newborns to quite an assortment of pneumonia's and other infections. Once were midwives us lot. Oh well who cares I'm in the twilight of my career thank goodness. I dont know who would bother paying all that extra time and effort at uni just to become a midwife who 1/2 the time is nursing general patients.
Enough stop thinking about the horrible place. I am cooking osso buco again so easy and after the next 2 days work we are on holidays and going to Cairns and playing 2 days of golf in one week with lovely ex-teacher 80 year old and one day next week with another girl who is good fun. Its so nice to play with good partners you have so much fun.
Tomorrow I'll go for a swim at the uni, havent been swimming for ages because its been so cold and the ocean has been so rough. The uni is heated pool.

Rainy friday

Yesterday we managed to play golf against all the odds. It didn't rain but was very wet under foot and very windy at times. Normally they wouldn't let the carts drive on it but it was a charity day that had already been cancelled once. I was playing in a team with 2 ladies who are in a cart (both over 80) so was expecting a phone call saying we couldn't play. I didn't play very well find it really difficult hitting on wet ground, the ball doesnt run much and I am not a big hitter so I need a bit of run plus its hard work pushing the buggy through the mud and around all the puddles. Our course is next to the sea which is lovely all the waves were very big and the top surfers were out and a photographer taking pictures. One guy was walking across the course with his board broken in 2. Big waves.
Lots of the ladies looked pretty shattered after the game so I didn't feel so bad. I really like one of my partners she has a really sharp brain, was a primary school teacher all her life. The other lady is smart but she is like that annoying 6 year old always bossing you around or reporting you to the teacher. I nearly said to the teacher one did you teach kids like her but I thought I better be quiet. I look around the room at us middle aged and old ladies and think really its the same bunch as kindergarten, the bossy girl, the sporty girl, pretty ones, the social butterflies etc. Don Juan says women are 4 types, the four winds. Like a mahjong game and the men are three types and a messenger. I think I should take more notice of the wind.

blogging when should be

Hanging out washing pulling up weeds going to the beach for coffee. My sister is home with the booty. She is like the Cargo Cult. In the south pacific, I think Vanuatu they worship John Fromm who arrived by plane once with lots of goodies. She likes to shop and we are the recipients of it all, and she is getting better some really nice stuff. The girls will be pleased. I cant write to her obviously so  will have to blog more.
I bought lots of little plants on special baby snapdragons and pansies so I will put them in as I weed. The freesias are coming out so the scent at night is lovely. They are the old fashioned ones not the brightly coloured new ones that have no scent.
She has bought me some really good clothes to wear in Cairns we are going in 2 1/2 weeks. I was going to shop for some but wont have to now.
Its still a bit chilly but getting warmer. I think I will make us roast lamb for dinner easy and nice.

In flight

My sister is coming home for a holiday so I'll write here usually I email her and thats satisfied my urge to write. Today I have finished my working week, only 2 days lucky me. Sort of, lots of people have given up work by my age or have less physically demanding jobs. I must say I have very nice mothers to look after the last two days and a girl with very badly inverted nipples who was determined to breast feed. She said it made her mad that she had such a difficult time where her friends had no problems breast feeding but couldn't be bothered. Oh well I said you will probably be much more committed and value it than them. She did well in the end with a nipple shield.
I had a vigorous argument in report with everyone about the way breast feeding is being handled on the ward. Everyone seems very anxious about the mothers getting their milk in which is rubbish, only a few mothers fail to lactate. They have the girls on the breast pump from day 0  sometimes instead of getting the baby on the breast, madness. It sparked off with one of the girls report that she couldn't get the baby on the breast and she was worried about that. I said how old is this baby 2 hours she said. They dont understand that their anxiety is transferring to the mothers and making them anxious, as if they havent enough of that already. I think patience is the most import virtue of mothering sometimes but we live in a madhouse that wants us to run before we walk, its so sad. It sets people up to be failures before they begin.
The next shift a girl rang me almost in tears as someone had told her not to let the baby sleep longer than 5 hours so she woke him up to feed him and he wouldnt feed, so we tried for a little while but he was sleepy. He was a boofy boy and she had a C/S without a labour so he wouldnt have been particularly hungry when he was born he had had quiet a few good feeds so we decided to let him sleep and wait to he woke for a feed which he did in an hour and had a good suck, ah patience again.
I have my own issues too with 19 yr old who has dropped lovely boyfriend and is goodness knows where at the moment ?new boyfriend.  We are upset for her ex and missing him and she has gone to ground but by the 3rd I should be use to these things.
It is a peaceful sunday and I should be hanging out more washing.

night duty

uck uck uck I think I mean yuck. we had a baby called Darius which is one of my favourite names I think he was the son of Xerxes but I looked it up he was the father and ruled the Persian empire, so I said to D the baby have you conquered Persia yet no he said only Day 2 just the boobs but he was doing well at that.  i am vegging which is all you can do after ND I am watching Nigella make a slow cooked shoulder of lamb salad which looks so yum. Oh now its 24hr cooked pork. Maybe I am craving meat or a bath or sleep or panadol.
Sticky date self saucing pudding, there should be a name for this TV eating? TV salivating. Oh another show I've got to get off this channel. bath I think.

monday monday

is our days off, and tennis and coffee at the beach. Last evening was work trying to do an education test with case studies like a guy who has had a Turp (transurethral resection of the prostrate) while doing a CTG on a pregnant lady, sometimes the disconnect between the reality of nursing and the people in charge gets ridiculous. The system has ceased valuing experience puts anybody anywhere (patients and staff) has reduced training levels in lots of areas, replacing RNs (3 years uni) with AINs (1 year Tafe) and staffs with agency or casuals. Then thinks it will fix things with some 30 page on line course and study day. We were all in the office yesterday, no one under 50 thinking whats going to happen when we go.
I wish they would stop all the money going into campaigns like wash your hands and start employing some staff, then you might get time to the work.

ASX game

Bring it on new game not so many players this time stock markets are looking a bit sick lately and difficult to make money on but its fun to play the game, a theoretical 50 thou and no risk. You learn about trading and looking at companies. Its amazing how loosing even theoretical money makes you focus and learn more. I've bought three energy companies because I think they are over sold from the carbon tax issues and a solar panel maker in case the carbon tax does make a big difference and a medical tech company because they interest me so we will see how it goes. I haven't lost too much but haven't made much in previous games. So cant quit the day job yet.
Sleepy now as played golf for 2 days and we are going to see "Faust" tonight with John Bell and Bell Shakespeare company. i think he is the best Aus actor but I think he only does stage. Its a pity he should go and be a baddie in one of those US crap films he would be a great baddie.
Gotta garden a bit before it gets too cold.

Paris

We are watching the tour riding into Paris so happy for Cadel and the team such a great win, and a wonderful tour. Tough race and a wonderful team backed him. Oh he has a glass of champagne, lovely day. We have have learnt a lot about bike racing this tour, very tactical. They are all heroes I think the guys that have made it and the guys that have tried. What a beautiful race and a beautiful city. It will be nice to have an early night, we watch till 1 or 2 am no sleep in the southern hemisphere when big sporting events in the north.

wet again

No golf again so we went aquarobics which was good, the pool actually felt warm for a change probably because it was so cold. It was good to do some stretches and running. Then we had coffee at the local shops. I swear if we sat there long enough we would see everyone (above ground) we've ever know walk past. Had coffee with one of the girls we used to work with and her husband. They are very interesting they go all over the country caving. He used to work in the (now worked out) mine on the mountain above our house. He said he was 16 in 1943 and wanted to join the army and his canny father sent him to work in the mine because it was a protected job you couldn't leave it to join up. They needed the coal. I said my father worked at the steelworks and it was the same story there but somehow he managed to talk his way out and into the airforce. He was a bit older  through.
I asked him about the pile of tailings in front of the mine, twice in floods it has been washed down. He said he heard at the reunion it had been fixed. I hope so as we bought that flat which had been flooded and filled with coal tailings. Oh well this will be a test in all this rain.
Le Tour was very exciting last night I didn't mean to stay up so late to watch but it was such a battle. Cadel is 3rd now after the Scheck brothers. Andy Scheck was totally amazing and Cadel the way he chased. On todays stage they are going up the same mountain from the other side.  When you see these guys ride up mountains it makes hero movies look like junk, Maybe when you get older you really appreciate real feats like basketballers amazing jumps compared to superman stuff.

wet

Its hardly stopped raining all day rained away golf. Only good thing I could stay up late and watch the Tour and Cadel Evans, an aussie is now 2nd and going well. Its been very exciting the last few days and the mountains are beautiful, they are in the Alps now. I get very into it I feel like I am there not here sometimes. The last bit of the race was amazing up a windy little road and then back down, I get really worried about them getting hurt but now they are in Italy at least they seem to have barriers at the side of the road. The worst is those roads with 100 metre drops and no side barriers and the riders are descending at big speeds. Oh its started nice sunny day there and the mountains are huge.
I am trying to finish a jumper for 2nd daughter as she is doing her teaching prac at beautful little school up the mountain (well what we call the mountain, only category  1 or 2 in tour terms) as its cold there. Some years its really too hot to wear wool much but this year is def a woolies year.

once was sunny

Tuesday now so bitter cold and rainy. Car in for service we were going for walk to pick it up but the rain came. No lunch at the beach but at least I've got the rego done. Its tax time too the grim days are good for doing that. I was going to weed the garden and plant some little plants I bought.
Later ah made beef with Guinness stew soooo nice on a cold night. Eldest daughter bought home 4 cans of Guinness after St Patrick's day so that was our 3rd stew with it, one to go and the best one ever.

For her I feel so afraid

Must have been the most stressy patient ever, yes have the test no wont, finally agreed and x-ray refused wrong needle in her arm ahhhhh. 2 days of yes and no and discussion. Doc said he had had 5 years of it, I admire his patience. Everything a worry to her, how do people live like it, she said everything goes wrong for her but she makes people so nervous around her no wonder. A nice person really but there really is no time in public hospitals for extensive counseling or in life for a total guarantee of safety in everything. Walking down the street has risks. Finally had the tests and pretty good, a bit of pneumonia. Survived the test (I hope). I thanked the husband for supporting the both of us, I was as worried as she was.
Other girl not so good looked very sick to me had this new (to us) treatment high flow nasal O2 very good really. ICU guy says we used to have to watch them deteriorate till they needed ventilation but this treatment means they can avoid ventilation sometimes. Of course if you keep it on, very agitated girl, ?unwell ?personality whichever, she'd settle then get restless. Supposed to move to HDU high dependency unit but they decided no then they were moving her to birthing unit, they look after sick girls. So off she went. I hope she is ok, someone mentioned swine flu forgot about that hope it isnt that.
Do you get too old for this stress I am thinking. The main think I find I dont know my way around the treatment or the tests or the doctors. Have to get a password for patients results on line.
Ok 5 days before I go back. Played  tennis today and I'm sore. Its rest day on the Tour tonight so we will just watch the highlights we and the boys need a rest.

time time

i dont have much of going to work in a minute, to find out what is happening to my 2 sick ladies, bronchitis/maybe pneumonia who is an asthmatic smoker with low sats (O2 in the blood) and more puzzling one early pregnancy with chest pain ? pulmonary embolus, serious, blood clot in the chest or pleurisy, inflammation of the lining of the lung, less serious but very painful. 2 docs debating all evening what to do what to test what she has how to treat, specialist ringing up whats happening? the tests are a worry try not to X-ray Mums or give isotopes. I have to look up the tests I dont know them. got to go. back on Le Tour tonight.

Upsetting

old blog gone cant get a proper link to it cause of stuffing up the old address and I've been backdooring into blogger without registering properly on google, I guess they have closed that link. Oh well my husband and daughter say its a new start but I am not a new start sort of person, I am a clinging on to the wreckage till the last sort of person. I played in a basketball team once and it kept dwindling until only me and one other girl turned up and she said I wont be coming next week, I have a job, at that point I finished up and just played tennis.
Interesting fact I asked my husband what does UDL mean he said: Universal resource locator.
Have to go get the keys to ferrets flat as it settles on friday but they dont have all the keys have to get the real estate to get a locksmith if they cant find them. We have a tenant so thats good rental market very tight.

Lost my old blog

Very upsetting trying to be positive to give a good impression haha but I am upset because i dont know how to at least link to my old blog

http://jmgoz.blogspot.com/