Nice game

Of golf was very hot and humid. I played alright for the first nine holes but didn't play well the rest. We were nearly last off so played through the hottest part of the day. I am not too good in the heat. I played with two of my favourite ladies.
Someone asked me if I had put my name down for the Christmas dinner as someone had put me down, she said the names of the people on the table but I had never played or talked to them so I said I wasn't coming. I don't feel bad about it now. Last year I just put my name down randomly but it was a bit awkward, as usual I didn't get it till later.
I am watching Ken Burns show about the Civil War, it is just sadness and waste but I love listening to Shelby Foote tell the stories, he is gone now but he struck me as a sweet man.

Left out

No one asked me to join their table at the golf Christmas dinner so I have to ask to go on the rejects table or not go so I think I won't go. It's how I deal with the left out stuff. My daughter doesn't want us at her place for Christmas and my husbands family has never asked us and if I mention that I'm the bad one. I wish I would just disappear. I hate Christmas its full of grief and reminders that I don't fit and embarrass people.
It doesn't seem to matter how badly others behave its my fault. Now it's starting to rain. I feel sorry for myself but its always been the same, and I suppose lots of people feel like that and are treated like that. I always feel more at home with outsiders really. It's like the insiders have a secret only they know. Once I got asked to a stupid charity race thing because I was standing next to the person really being asked so I stupidly said yes and turned up sat down next to my friend to be told I was sitting at another table with strangers.
The other thing I get is the via friendship, they really want to be friends with your friend so you get used to that end, when they achieve that you get cut out.
There is a house down the road with a 2 metre brick fence around it I wish I lived there at least metaphorically.
Anyway I'm used to it really I don't feel comfortable with any attention.

Lovely day

We are going up to daughters as she is off sick from work. I'm going to take some plants from the garden up to her, things they don't have to look after, bromeliads and orchards etc the tough stuff. I'm reading The Casual Vacancy J D Rowling's first adult book, through I think the Harry Potter books were adult books as well as for children. I like it a lot to my surprise. She is a very good writer but its not just that, I think the author always lurks in the work and you feel her sense of humour and her kindness towards her characters and it makes you interested in them.
The garden is in flower I'll take some pictures.

How to stuff a human

I finished the little cardigan with 2nd hand pearl buttons from the op shop. We went to Sydney to see another neglected musical called The Lucky Stiff. Unfortunately my favourite actor was the died at the start so he was the stiff for the rest of the musical. It was on at the Darlinghurst theatre. We ate at Monkey and Leo's as usual.
I spent a lot of the musical worried about the corpse getting wiffy but I'd missed the line about the taxidermy. It was a crazy plot but great fun, probably the best fun you could have on a Monday afternoon.