Wet wet wet

It is supposed to rain x21/29 days this month and it's well on the way to it. We seem to have a tropical climate, a sunny morning followed by thunder storms in the afternoon, but I'm grateful even for a mornings sunshine because sometimes it hasn't stopped all day. Last week I had to go get husband and daughter in the middle of flash flooding, very scarey.
It's a scarey Australian story about people camping in a dry riverbed In fine weather being washed away and drowned because of rain upstream. At least we were in a car through we kept hitting sheets of water on the road. Oh here it starts again thunder.
We were going shopping for luggage because we are going to Vietnam but then we thought we might research it a bit so we will just go have fish and chips for dinner and then watch the champions league show and our videos on paintings called "The Life of a masterpiece". I missed tennis today which I feel bad about but I slept in. I did night duty on the weekend. I hate nights now they make me feel really crummy and I was cranky because of the way they distributed the patient load I had 2 of the five new caesars the longest walk down the ward and 6 patients. One of the others had 3 patients one new Caesar and the shortest walk. Then I protested so they make you feel bad. These are my "friends" so much for nursing friends. But that's how it goes we all tired and old all trying to preserve ourselves by burning others.

Australia day

I don't know what I've done to the writing in this oh tech probs again it looks like weird old and tiny computer text oh we'll will see how it posts, if I can read it. I am lazing around in bed playing with the ipad, it's Australia day there are lots of events planned and fireworks but we will just stay home and one of us is going back to work after holidays, not me so someone will be a bit miserable today. I have been looking at a new app I done loaded called houzz it is really good if you are interested in interior design, who isn't. Well quite a few people really. I said to one of the golf lady's we were reno- ing a bit, she said we don't change anything and I thought that would be a relief but we do have to do the downstairs bathroom it is like a 70s pod bath but there are stress marks in the plastic I'm afraid we'll be sitting in the foundations. We went to ikea again and the Picasso exhibition. I don't know what I feel about Picasso you can feel the greatness and the inspiration the playfulness the great technique but to me he is a mystery of a man a kind of minatour in a laberynth. A bit frightening and dangerous that pulling apart of women's faces is really threatening. I had a dream that I was being chased by my killer and I was running away then I found a studio and shelter there someone said art is your answer you have always been an artist. Well I don't paint or do art really but I have always loved being in studios and around art. We are watching a collection of videos I bought called the life of a painting, they look at a painting such as the Primavera and the Nightwatch and tell you it's history. Ikea's was good again but we have to learn to pace ourselves we carried too much around and we got too fuddled and tired. We bought some lovely sheets and towels and more of their nice candles and had a good look at their bathrooms. Will have to measure up and pick the things. Gotta get up, hungry.

There is a crack in everything

thats how the light gets in, thank you Leonard (Cohen), it is playing while we are taking down the Christmas tree and I want to cry, my mothers decorations my sister's ones she gave us, the childrens ones made at school. Way too many. You cant live in memories and it all goes so fast. My favourite one is a santa ball made of beads because I bought it at the church shop and it would have taken so much work to do and was made by an person I dont know. I'm not religious but who in our age doesnt owe a debt to Jesus and his way of kindness and enlightenment.

Night Duty

I worked last night and then tonight, 10 hour nights are too long for me. One of the girls went home sick she looked terrible, problems with drink we think but no one really mentions it. Thats Australia no one does interventions. One of the other girls (well girls all over 50) says we have to nurse her along, get her son grown and educated. I think it goes in binges with her, good for a while then not. Drinking is seriously scarey in this country people call me a "light weight" because I cant drink much and I think thank goodness. Lucky have passed the trait on to my daughters they are not good at drinking big amounts and I'm glad.
I call this time of year the drinking season, it goes from school break up till Australia day on the 26th, but then its any excuse for lots of people, playing sport, watching sport, having a baby, getting married funerals etc. We went to my friends fathers funeral and every photo of him he had a drink in hand. If you say anything about drinking you are a wowser and you get called names. Its such a worry with your children. I have a good friend who gets so nasty when she is drinking, or when she is waiting to start I dont see her so much any more. I mean we do like having a glass or two of red and enjoy having beers of the world at Christmas. I guess in health jobs we are aware of the other side of the fun.
Anyway got to go to bed

ipad

The darling girls gave us an ipad each for christmas, motherhood pays off at last, I got a white one and he got the black one, well black bezel and silver back. It is completely obsessive and I should figure out how to write this blog on it but I like my computer too so I'll do that later, I've been downloading lots of stuff but its very slow at downloading movies so I'll have to do that on the computer. I had to upgrade this computer as it didn't know what an ipad was when we connected them up, funny.
I've miserable a lot as usual all kinds of bad thoughts. Like Buffy back from the dead and not entirely happy about it. Difficult to explain to anyone especially as no visible signs people still asking about it and me still saying I dont talk about it. 2 horrible years in February I think I shouldn't be here you wonder if you should be alive, like a butterfly beating its wings in the amazon causing a hurricane. The things you do and effect. Then you read people deciding they will do great charity stuff but I'm kind of Christopher Hitchens about the mother Teresas of the world. Everyone seems on to that stuff, charities spring up like weeds. For sure some are of good intent but a lot of founders seem to driving the charity cars and going on the charity flights. Not my thing in nursing you see the results of care can  be mixed.

I am reading a book about mind body healing that is a bit helpful, relaxation techniques like deep breathing, funny how you have to learn the same stuff over and over again. This is our tree it is a lovely shape, we have to take it down soon but I miss it.

karma

Its friday going for a surf this afternoon then work on Christmas eve and Christmas day yuck. I read this thing a nurse wrote that she was complaining about work and someone said to her you're a nurse you shouldn't complain, you are heaping up lots of good karma. Well lets hope so. We always say about the horrors that run the place what comes around goes around and its true. Which I think means they will get what they deserve. Only people dont really and it doesn't matter much. The longer you live the more you see that even the most favoured get thumped.
My sister is home from Saudi for the holidays and agonizing over a patients dentures she may or may not have lost. I said this is the kind of crap we have been trained to worry over all our lives.
It has been raining like a monsoon climate, well nearly so the gardens full of drought resistant plants must be suffering, my rainforrest garden has gone nuts so I've bought this long pruner a chain saw on a pole, I'm not supposed to use chain saws but too bad, might get my daughter to help, the co-ordinated one, its pretty heavy. Must do a little weeding.

update or die

Havent posted couldnt work out the changes in blogger, oh why dont they run a kind of web for oldies, that doesnt change all the time, cept no one thinks they are old anymore, 70 yr olds think they are 20. My daughter said the title, update or die. Its nearly christmas and we have the tree and presents, too many, through I havent bought much. My sister is home but she is in Sydney seeing the Picasso show, I will see it after Christmas. Ordered the meat today and did aquaroebics. Its nice to have a break from tennis and golf, had the parties. Just going to do the shopping this afternoon. We are working christmas so our Christmas will be on Boxing day which works out alright as the girls can go to their partners christmases and they can owe us one. Reading the Game of Thrones it is wonderful, on the last book now. You know when you know something will be really famous one day but you cant get anyone interested in it (early computing). Oh well their loss.
Christmas always worries me, the Christmas deaths. My father dies the week before Christmas and other worst things.
Underneath the dead
in street names.
and memory
Like a thief takes the living
and strips them of connection
Until the world is a grey evening
Longing longing for what is not
Or ever will be again. I looked for you everywhere
After you died
Grief is madness.